“There are pieces of what Calvin says that Ellie said to us early on,” Vanessa Ford says. “But we have a large network of families with many children who transitioned around 4 or 5 years old, and each one of these children have informed us of their own experiences, and we’ve grown up with them in our community of families with trans kids.”
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
NPR’s Audie Cornish spoke with Vanessa and JR Ford for All Things Considered.
On parents using the word transgender with their children
Vanessa Ford: When we first were with our child when they were 4, there was one book out, and it used the word transgender. And we didn’t use that word for quite some time in reading the book to Ellie, to our child.
We skipped over it because we didn’t want to provide a word. However, when we finally used the word, Ellie’s breath took out all the air in the room and they said, “That’s who I am. There’s a word for who I am.” And so some of this is that our children may not have the language to describe how they feel or how they identify, and sometimes having that language can be incredibly empowering.
On the scene where Calvin reintroduces himself to a classmate as a boy
Vanessa Ford: That’s actually one of the things we found on our journey — that kids are really open. They are accepting, interested and curious. It’s really adults and political figures who have taken the issue of trans kids and politicized it and put all this fearmongering out there, when in our experience and the experience of many people we’ve talked with, kids may have a few questions like Calvin’s friend did, but then it’s on to recess — what are we doing next? And when kids are able to be their authentic selves, it draws in others around them.
On what they would say to parents who aren’t ready to talk to their children about transgender identities
Vanessa Ford: I think right now is the time if there ever was a time. We have a political environment in which trans youth in particular are being targeted around the country. We have trans kids coming out every day in classrooms around the country. And I would just encourage them to take a risk. Your child is going to be open and eager to learn this, and it may help them be a better, empathetic friend to somebody in their class or their community. And I would say learn from our experience. We were scared. We were fearful of even using that word in the beginning when, in fact, our child found it so empowering.
JR Ford: I would also add that our kids aren’t a monolith. They are unique in every single way. And for parents and adults and caretakers, give them the opportunity to be themselves. At least, being able to listen to your kids is one of the things that we always try to promote. Listen to your kids. They know what’s best for them because they’re living their experience every single day.
Amy Isackson and Patrick Jarenwattananon adapted this interview for the web.